One of the most difficult aspects of emotional intelligence is being able to understand why someone behaves in hurtful ways, while recognising that understanding does not make their behaviour acceptable.

When we understand childhood trauma, attachment wounds and emotional defences, we can often recognise the pain behind another person’s behaviour.

We may see the wounded child beneath the adult, understand their protective adaptations and feel genuine compassion for the experiences that shaped them.

But there is an important distinction between understanding someone’s behaviour and continuing to tolerate it.

Compassion without healthy emotional boundaries can become self abandonment.

In this video, I explore emotional intelligence, empathy, childhood wounds, relationship patterns and the importance of maintaining healthy boundaries without losing our capacity for love and compassion.

Healing sometimes means recognising that we can care deeply about someone, understand their pain and still choose to protect our own emotional wellbeing.

You do not have to hate someone to walk away from them. Sometimes, you simply have to love yourself enough to stop staying.

Their wounds may explain their behaviour but they do not give them permission to wound you.